I have been frustrated the last couple of days. I think some of this has to do with the fact that cancer just SUCKS! We have traveled a long road already, and we have a distance left. It feels insurmountable sometimes.
Part of my frustration…
is that I asked you to call people to see if they could drive you down to your radiation appointments, and you didn’t do this. Maybe you thought if I don’t, she will, or if I don’t then she has to come with me, or you just feel uncomfortable about asking. Up to now, it has been me asking for the help on the home front. There are people in our lives that want to help in any way they can. For some, this is how they can help. They need to feel like they are contributing, as much as we need their aid.
I can’t go down every day because I am trying to keep the home front going, as well as trying to work. Actually, I’m just trying to keep my head above water. I know that if you see me being successful in my business, this will only help your stress so if the worst happens, God forbid, I will be able to support myself comfortably.
I have to admit…
that sometimes I am frustrated with you going to work as much as you do. I know you need it to feel some normalcy in your life; however, there are other duties that need to be done at home other than resting for your cancer care. A double-edged sword because we need the income, I know that, but, oh it’s just so overwhelming. We are very fortunate in the workers you have at the store, and Jason for allowing you to take the time you need to get healthy. Once again, truly blessed!
I don’t need you to say “sorry” or anything. It’s just me grumbling about cancer. Damn it!! Why does this have to be so overwhelming and difficult! I just want to scream sometimes. Get mad at God. WHY??? Yet, He has given us an abundance of caring people surrounding us and lifting us up. Still, it just feels so lonely at times.
When this is all said and done…
we will be asking ourselves, “How did we ever survive this intact?” The answer will be God, and the continued support of family and friends. We are so lucky!
With all my love –
Note: This was written before Mitch’s passing.