Chemo Brain

Mitch,

You have been stating that chemo brain is a real thing. You feel like your mind is foggy, you can’t remember things, you do things that makes you wonder…

What the heck?

Well, I am here to tell you that it is not just for the cancer patient, it is for the caregiver too. I feel like I don’t know where my head is half the time.

The other day

I was looking for my cordless computer mouse. I took an hour and a half out of my day looking for the dang thing. I even remade my bed, thinking maybe it got tangled up in the sheets or pillows. I finally went up town and bought a new one thinking that when I did find the other, I would keep that one downstairs so hopefully this would not happen again. I told Karen, at the store, I was going to put out a piece of cheese for the mouse. (Did you get that? mouse—cheese, ha ha!)

When I came home and went to the cabinet with the batteries, there it was. Just sitting there in all its glory, taunting me.

I can’t seem to keep my train of thought.

Many times, I am in the middle of speaking and I just forget what the hell I was going to say. It is so embarrassing! I forget how to spell simple words, names of things and people. It is just crazy. I swear I am going to find my cell phone in the fridge one day!

Even though we are trying all we can to reduce stress…

the cancer issues are just too much on our minds subconsciously. Worrying if this is the day that all the symptoms of the cancer pills and radiation decide to come on full throttle. Constantly worrying about your weight. Hoping that all this will be worth it in the end. Keeping schedules straight with all the wonderful drivers who have stepped up to take you down to Minot so I can keep the home fires burning and finally get back to work myself.

Luckily, we have the best people behind us, overlooking our silly mindlessness. Without them it would be so much harder. We are blessed.

With all my love –

Nicole

PS This was written prior to Mitch’s passing