Yesterday you received two packets of information from Roger Maris. As you read all the side effects of the chemo pill and immunotherapy, you were getting frustrated because it kept saying to stay hydrated, and to drink a glass of water with one pill in particular. You kept stating, “How am I supposed to do this? I can’t drink a whole glass of water. I can’t drink water like I used to! If all I do is drink water, my smaller stomach has no room for food. How am I going to balance this?”
The other part that was bothering you is that there are two chemo pills, one at 150 mg and one at 500 mg. Yours are the 500 mg, of course (Haha! Why wouldn’t it be?), and you need to take them twice a day (again, of course with a whole glass of water, haha!). Oh, and when we met with the oncologist, we found out it’s not just two 500 mg pills. It’s a total of 2,300 mg per day!
I asked what you were feeling at that moment.
You said, “Scared.” I then asked, “With everything you have gone through to this point, knowing now that you gained a year of life, was it worth it?” You immediately said, “Yes!”
I’m scared, too. I’m scared you will end up in the hospital on an IV to stay hydrated and for nutrition because you are going to be so sick you can’t get anything down. I’m scared your emaciated body will not be able to tolerate this next grueling round of radiation and chemo. I am scared of losing you.
All we can do is put one step in front of the other..
and see how far it takes us each day. I will be here for you for every one of those steps. We can do hard things! We have proven it so far, and we will prove it again.
With all my love –
PS This was written prior to Mitch’s passing. All he went through did not gain him any more years, just months. He died ten months after day of diagnosis.