Deep Grief

January 16, 2024

https://nicolegvb.podbean.com/e/deep-grief/

Dear Mitch,

Grief! It messes with you.

It impacts every facet of your body, mind, and life. When I think of the depths of grief, it reminds me of the Spider-Man 3 movie from 2007, where the Spidey suit has the black goo all over it. In particular, the scene in the bell tower when he is trying to get the black goo off of him. Just when you think the goo is gone, it brings him down again. Now, I know that my grief for you will last until I die and meet you again, but the heaviness and darkness of the deep grief, I hope, will lighten. People who have gone through intense grief tell me it will lessen with time. Right now, I don’t believe them. Every time I feel a glimmer of maybe, the grief goo sticks right back on me, laden with its intensity.

Another way to demonstrate this black gooiness

is Netflix’s Season 3 of Blown Away. You and I loved watching this competition series together, where people used glass to make amazing art. In this season, there is a widow. Her husband had died just months earlier, at the young age of 32. About half of her glass creations were related to her grief. When I would see the end result, I would cry and shake my head, and I would also be in awe of what she could create and SHOW grief like this. There were two art pieces in particular that I still think of, as they were so powerful with the grief.

One was a black sphere with dents all around it, then she cracked one side open, and inside were the most brilliant blue colors. The inside reminds me of what I think I will see in heaven. This is one that I would love to buy if I ever have the chance. The black outside is the darkness you ascend into during deep grief, and all the dents represent the pain. The inside is the promise of life’s brilliance. I promise that I will rise out of this darkness as a new, beautiful human being, understanding how dark life can be, only to claw my way back to the living. Embracing life more fully, knowing you never know when your last breath will be taken from you.

The other was her last installation she made in the finals (oops, spoiler alert!). She had bright red spheres all around with black pieces that looked like tar trying to attach to the red orbs of life. This was her way of showing how the darkness of grief will try to bring you down, but your brightness needs to stay aloft, above all the murkiness.

When you are grieving, it’s “funny”

how just an everyday occurrence can represent a completely different meaning than prior to the death. I have watched shows, read books, listened to songs, and done activities after grief that leave me in a completely different place and perspective than prior to your death. I look at this as one of the few advantages of grief.

With all my love,

Nicole

 

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