I’m sorry I have not been writing to you while I am in my acute grief. I have all I can do just to get out of bed every morning.
I have little notes everywhere
when I get a moment of clarity to write down a line or two. That’s where it ends all these beginnings of letters, none finished. The best way I can describe it is my mind is a train rolling down the tracks on a sunny day. It turns the bend into a blinding blizzard slugging through a wall of snow, getting bogged down. It is frustrating how I can have a moment of clarity then poof, its gone. It can be mid- thought, mid-sentence. I feel like I’m going crazy!
I can’t turn my brain off and yet I can’t remember a damn thing.
Many times, I’ll be told something and forget it instantly. Keeping any sort of appointments is a joke because I forget to put it in my calendar, or if I do, I forget to look at my calendar.
I knew losing you was going to be hard, but this…no words in the dictionary come close to the loneliness, anguish, life altering devastation I feel.