Going Crazy!

January 8, 2024

https://nicolegvb.podbean.com/e/going-crazy-1703277548/

Dear Mitch,

I’m sorry I have not been writing to you while I am in my acute grief.  I have all I can do just to get out of bed every morning.

I have little notes everywhere

when I get a moment of clarity to write down a line or two.  That’s where it ends all these beginnings of letters, none finished.  The best way I can describe it is my mind is a train rolling down the tracks on a sunny day.  It turns the bend into a blinding blizzard slugging through a wall of snow, getting bogged down.  It is frustrating how I can have a moment of clarity then poof, its gone.  It can be mid- thought, mid-sentence.  I feel like I’m going crazy!

I can’t turn my brain off and yet I can’t remember a damn thing.

Many times, I’ll be told something and forget it instantly.  Keeping any sort of appointments is a joke because I forget to put it in my calendar, or if I do, I forget to look at my calendar.

I knew losing you was going to be hard, but this…no words in the dictionary come close to the loneliness, anguish, life altering devastation I feel.

I miss you so damn much!

Nicole

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  1. 😢😢😢 I’m so sad for you Nicole. I hope I never have to go through what you are because I’m not strong like you. You empower me sooo much. Thanks for writing. I love following you.

    Much love
    Nancy

    1. Nancy,
      I’m not in this dark place now, but it still hurts everyday. The first thing I would tell family and friends is; I hope you never have to go through this pain! I must be a good actress because I have not felt strong in my grief. Grief had me down for the count! Thank you for continuing to follow me, Nancy. I realize what I am writing isn’t “easy” to read. Your comments mean the world!
      Hugs,
      Nicole

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