Mitch,
Tonight I hugged you tightly. I pressed my nose into your neck and breathed in your scent. I told you I wanted to hold on to you forever. I became emotional in that moment.
This happens all the time—
I chug along doing fine and then, BOOM! Out of nowhere the emotions are brimming over, uncontainable. My mind goes to that place I don’t want to acknowledge, the possibility of living without you. I can’t bear not being able to hug you tightly, smell your essence, and kiss you any time I want.
I want to be selfish…
and feel sorry for myself. I want to scream to the heavens, “Leave us be! We have been through so much, just please give us our miracle.”
I also get frustrated with myself, because I think of all the times in our relationship where I was mad at you, should have treated you better, or loved you harder. However, I can’t live in the past. I can only do better going forward.
My pledge to you:
I will love you unconditionally for all the days of my life. I pledge to be there for you in all that is yet to come. I promise to cherish you for the precious being you are.
When this is all said and done, I would like to exchange our vows again. I don’t want it to be a big affair, just with immediate family. I hope you will entertain this idea, especially since we did not do this at our 25th wedding anniversary. Either way, I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone but you.
With all my love –
Nicole
PS This was written prior to Mitch’s passing.
