Mitch,
Only God knows why He has decided our family needed to go on this cancer pilgrimage.
One of the meanings of pilgrimage is “life viewed as a journey.”
That is life in general, sure, but cancer definitely changes the geography of that path to heights and low valleys you were unaware existed.
During this, I have to admit that there are many times I do not think God is with us, or that He is hearing our prayers. Of course, deep down, I DO know He is here holding us up, and that there is a plan for us that right now only He knows. Cancer is the devil that likes to trick your mind into thinking you are all alone in this hell.
I question Him, even though I know on both fronts I should not need to.
But why would He allow you to suffer the pain you had to endure? Why had He made you into a shell of who you physically used to be? Why is He putting us through such anguish?
Did He think we were not grateful enough for what we had and we needed a wake-up call? Did He think we did not love each other well enough?
Only God knows why.
I just wish He would give me a clue. He has sent me signs to get ready for a change, as well as others, I will mention in letters to come (“Snakes Alive and Bunnies”, “Dreams” and “God Visits”) but my big question for him is WHY?
As always, in time all is revealed. It may not be the outcome we hope for, but the questions will be answered all the same. I am going to hope that when the time comes for the revelation, you are sitting strong by my side.
With all my love –
Nicole
PS This was written prior to Mitch’s passing.
