Stop Dragging My Heart Around!

February 19, 2024

https://nicolegvb.podbean.com/e/stop-dragging-my-heart-around/

Dear Grief,

Every time I hear the song “Stop Dragging My Heart Around” by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, I feel like it speaks to me. Grief keeps dragging my heart around.

“People runnin’ loose in the world” is me not knowing which way to turn.

I was with Tami, who does stretch therapy and Reiki, and she stated it perfectly. “What I see is you in the middle of a blinding snow storm. The blustery snow is all the emotions and thoughts going through your mind. You don’t know what to grab hold of or which way to turn. You can’t see, for it is blinding.” Yep, that’s it. That was exactly how I was feeling. The grief storm is blinding; you lose all sense of yourself, direction, of even thinking.

Tom Petty’s lyrics say, “You could never look me in the eye,”

but I am looking you in the eye, Grief Storm! This is what I want to say to you:

  • I hate that you came knocking on my front door.
  • I hate that you took away someone who meant so much to so many, not just me.
  • I hate that you have taken my heart and have stomped on it, and just when I think there is nothing left of it, you find the tiniest fragment to crush again.
  • I hate that I can’t breathe from the intensity of my crying.
  • I hate that I don’t trust myself.
  • I hate that I can’t make the simplest decision.
  • I hate that I can’t feel Mitch’s arms around me.
  • I hate that I feel so lonely, even with all the loving support around me.
  • I hate that I lose my thought mid-sentence or forget what I am supposed to be doing or where I am supposed to go.
  • I hate that the dreams for the future Mitch and I had together are lost to the wind.
  • I hate that Mitch wasn’t able to walk Lexi down the aisle on her wedding day.
  • I hate that Mitch is not here to hold, play with, and teach Colson, his first grandchild.
  • I hate that you have robbed me of joy and replaced it with only pain right now.
  • I hate that I have to learn to live with laughter and sadness all at the same time.
Right now I feel like I will buckle with the weight of the world.

I really want to tell you good-bye, grief storm, but I am just beginning this excruciating journey. I don’t see an end to this pain.

Please, oh please, Grief, STOP dragging my heart around!

Nicole

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  1. My cousin lost his wife last week very unexpectedly. A massive hemorrhagic stroke from which she never would recover! I went to WV to attend her service and be with my cousin—he was like my big brother growing up! He and Sue have one son, Sean, a big burly teddy bear absolutely overcome by grief at the loss of his Mom! My heart ached as I watched wave after wave of the early grief stages wash over them! Holding my cousin while he cried! 😢 The uncontrollable quiet sobs that just shake your whole body! Thank you for writing! Thank you for sharing and helping so many through this painful journey! With much love and appreciation! I was so thankful I could be there!! 🙏🏼

    1. Brenda,
      I am so sorry for your unexpected loss! I know they will remember how you witnessed their grief and allowed them to do what they needed to do, not what others expected them to do. You accepted where they were and embraced them where they were in each moment. Powerful! You are welcome, I am going to continue to share so that others going through the same pain know they are not alone, even though we each grieve differently. If you feel comfortable to do so, I am giving you permission to share my letters. In March, I will have resources uploaded on my website that may also help them as they continue through their grief journey.
      Hugs,
      Nicole

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