The Measure

June 2, 2024

Dear Mitch,

I read Nikki Erlick’s novel, The Measure.

This realization dawned on me during a period when I was deeply questioning the reasons behind your death. Why did God choose you to die? The bottom line is that we have no control over how long we live on this planet. This was predestined from the moment we were born and even before that.

The Measure raises the question: if you knew how long you had to live, would you make different choices? That is something to ponder. If we had known how much time we had together, what would we have done differently? Would we have returned to our hometown even sooner than we did? Would you have visited the doctor earlier to try to “catch” the cancer? Would we have performed surgery on your stomach?

To address these questions,

I doubt we would have changed our decisions significantly. I can have regrets about silly disagreements we may have had or times I wish I had done things differently in our relationship, but all of that is part of being in a relationship and evolving with it. I believe that in order for a marriage to progress to the next level of loving one another and recommitting to each other with more dedication, certain challenges must arise.

Would trying to “catch” the cancer earlier have changed the outcome? I know in my heart that you would have died. If we had discovered the cancer sooner, you might have suffered more from the treatments, resulting in a lesser quality of life. I would not have wanted that for you.

Finally, all of the woulda’s, coulda’s, and shoulda’s are meaningless.

God does not punish us for what we do or do not do. Death will come to all of us. God determines when that will happen. Once I accepted this, I felt a little lighter. I know I have done everything I can for you. I was there for you. Because of this, I have no regrets.

With all my love,

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  1. Here I go tears again, every word you say is ‘so spot on’ marriage and evolving etc. you speak so eloquently from your heart and it all resonates with me.
    Bless you Nicole for putting into words what so many of us think with our own relationships and loved ones. HUGS! ❤️ The love you had and still have is rare and a gift! ❤️

    1. Marianne,
      I am honored to be able to put into written words what you have experienced in your life. Hugs to you always and wishes for a speedy recovery.

      1. You always make me tear up Nicole because of your speaking from the heart. Thank you dear friend and a big hug to you! ❤️

        1. Marianne,
          I’m sorry I always make you tear up, but I am honored you continue to read my letters knowing you will need a tissue.
          Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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