Letters to my readers...

Dear Reader, As you navigate your grief journey, there comes a time when you may begin to think about what’s next. This question can feel overwhelming. “What do I live for now?” may echo in your heart, especially when you’re still trying to figure out who you are without your loved one. It’s a tender ...

Dear Reader, Grief teaches us many lessons, but one of the hardest is accepting the limits of our control. It’s natural to torment ourselves with “what-ifs” and “if-onlys,” replaying scenarios in our minds as though changing one detail might have prevented the loss. However, we cannot control the randomness of life and death; that is ...

Dear Mitch, As the holiday season wraps itself around me like a warm yet bittersweet blanket, I’ve been reflecting on A Christmas Carol again—a story that seems to hold more meaning with each passing year of my grief. In my deep grief, I found myself living almost exclusively in the past. Memories of you—your laugh, ...

Dear Reader, Hope can feel elusive in the midst of grief, a fragile thread you’re not sure how to hold onto. In those early days, hope might seem nonexistent. I remember vividly how my own sense of hope changed. Before Mitch’s death, I pictured myself standing on a mountaintop, arms wide open, surrounded by boundless ...

Dear Reader, Integration in grief is the process of learning to live with both sorrow and joy interwoven into your daily life. According to the Oxford Learners Dictionary, integration means combining two or more things so they work together. In grief, this means finding a way to carry the weight of your loss while embracing ...

Brad Krause, a follower of Living Through The Schmidts, asked if he could write an article for us regarding sleep (which is in his wheelhouse) in grief.  Hope you enjoy the knowledge he presents. Why Sleep Is Important During Grief Grief can make sleep elusive—yet rest is one of the most essential supports we have. ...

Dear Reader, Grief is an intensely personal journey, one that often feels isolating and overwhelming. You may feel like no one truly understands the weight you carry, but you don’t have to bear this burden alone. Reaching out for support can be a profound act of self-care and healing. It’s a way of honoring your ...

Dear Reader, As you navigate the depths of grief, the idea of finding joy or hope may feel distant, even impossible. It’s natural to question how you can experience lightness again when the weight of loss feels so overwhelming. But these moments of joy and hope, however small, are not only possible—they are essential. They ...

Dear Reader, Grief often stirs up a storm of emotions, and among them are guilt and regret. Forgiveness is an essential part of self-care—not because it erases the pain, but because it frees you from the weight of anger and resentment. Forgiveness is an act of release, of unburdening yourself, and it often begins with ...

Dear Reader, Sometimes, self-care isn’t about grand gestures or significant changes. It’s about small, simple acts that bring a sense of calm and grounding to your day. Lighting a candle, taking a warm bath, or listening to meditative music may seem ordinary, but in grief, these small moments hold extraordinary power. They provide a gentle ...

Dear Reader, Grief can weigh down not only your heart but also your body, leaving you feeling heavy and disconnected. In these tender times, movement can be a lifeline—a gentle reminder of the strength that still resides within you. Though it may feel daunting, even the smallest steps can create space for healing. Walking became ...

Dear Reader, Grief can steal away your ability to rest and nourish yourself, just when you need it most. Sleep and nutrition are often the first things to be disrupted, yet they are among the most vital aspects of your well-being. It’s not unusual to find yourself lying awake at night, your mind swirling with ...

Dear Reader, When you’re grieving deeply, self-care often feels impossible. The weight of loss can make even the simplest tasks—getting dressed, brushing your teeth, eating—seem insurmountable. Grief isn’t just emotional; it’s physical. Your energy wanes, your body aches, and your mind feels foggy. In these moments, taking care of yourself might feel like the last ...

Dear Reader, Grief brings a whirlwind of emotions— sadness, depression, regret, and the delicate dance of forgiveness. These emotions frequently intersect, resulting in a tumultuous journey that may seem unmanageable. Grief isn’t linear; there’s no predictable sequence. On some days, you may feel like you’ve made progress, only to sink back into the depths the ...

Dear Reader, Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging aspects of grief, yet it’s also one of the most liberating. It’s not always about forgiving others—it’s often about forgiving yourself and sometimes even your loved one who has died. This can feel confusing or even impossible, but it is a vital step in healing. ...

Dear Reader, I knew sadness would be part of grieving when I realized Mitch was dying. What I didn’t anticipate was how dark and intense that sadness would be. An all-consuming, crushing weight pressed down on my heart and soul. For me, the profound sadness came after the funeral, when the reality of Mitch’s death ...

Dear Readers, Small rituals often become anchors in the midst of grief, holding space for the love and connection you still feel. Keeping your loved one’s chair as it was, leaving their belongings untouched, or continuing shared habits isn’t about refusing the loss; it’s about cherishing the bond that remains. These rituals are a bridge ...

Dear Readers, Loss shakes the very foundation of who you are. It reaches into every corner of your life, unearthing questions about your role, your relationships, and even your sense of self. Denial, while often misunderstood, can be a lifeline during this tumultuous time. It gives you the space to hold on to what was ...

Dear Reader, Denial in grief can be more than just a mental or emotional experience— it often shows up in physical ways that may catch you off guard. You might find yourself sleeping more than usual, throwing yourself into a whirlwind of activity, or even turning to substances as a way to numb the pain. ...

Dear Reader, As you read about fear in grief, you may say to yourself, “Didn’t I already read this?” That’s because many grief-related emotions are intertwined and may require similar explanations and actions. Fear can manifest in many ways— fear of facing life without your loved one, fear of isolation, fear of losing your sense ...

Dear Reader, Anger can feel heavy, like a weight that you carry both emotionally and physically. If left unaddressed, anger can negatively impact your body and well-being, presenting as tension, stress, or even exhaustion. Releasing anger in healthy ways is essential for your healing process, and finding physical outlets can make a significant difference. One ...

Dear Reader, Anger in grief often stems from a sense of injustice or powerlessness, and for some, channeling that anger into action can provide a path toward healing. Advocacy and purposeful action allow you to honor your loved one’s memory while creating positive change in the world. Examples of transforming anger into action are both ...

Dear Reader, Anger can be an unexpected companion in grief. It may feel unsettling or even frightening, but it’s a natural and valid response to the profound pain of loss. The unfairness of losing someone we love often triggers our anger. You may be angry at the situation, others who seem unaffected, or your loved ...

Dear Reader, Grief can be overwhelming, and avoidance behaviors often emerge as natural defenses against the immense weight of loss. Filling your days with endless tasks, steering clear of familiar places, or insisting, “I’m fine,” are not signs of failure or avoidance in the traditional sense. Instead, they are ways your mind and heart create ...

Dear Reader, Grief and anxiety often walk hand in hand, creating a persistent sense of unease about the future. Having experienced such a profound loss, it’s natural to worry about what else life might take away. This anxiety can feel overwhelming, manifesting in unexpected ways, such as a fear of making decisions or a heightened ...

Dear Reader, Guilt often surfaces in your grief journey. When someone you love dies, it’s natural to replay moments of the past. Whether it’s wishing you had said different words, stayed in the hospital room longer, caught a disease earlier, or loved them more, the weight of these thoughts can feel crushing. Guilt, like all ...

Dear Reader, Guilt is a heavy emotion that many grievers carry. Often, guilt sneaks in unexpectedly, whispering questions such as “Could I have done more?” or “Why didn’t I say or do things differently?” This guilt can be particularly heavy, especially if you’re also grappling with feelings of regret. Denial can offer you the grace ...

Dear Reader, Grief doesn’t come neatly packaged. It’s a tangled web of emotions—sadness, guilt, anger, regret, and anxiety—all vying for your attention. These emotions often overlap, creating a whirlwind that can leave you feeling disoriented and emotionally drained. Grief understandably pulls you in multiple directions simultaneously. Sadness often sits just beneath the surface, a quiet ...

Dear Reader, Grief has a way of sneaking into the quiet, unguarded corners of your life. It reveals itself in the simplest, most tender moments—waking up expecting your loved one to be there, only to feel the hollow ache of their absence. You may find yourself instinctively reaching for the phone to share a thought, ...

Dear Reader, During the stages of acute and deep grief, you may experience a daily sense of living in a dense fog that dulls your senses and muffles the world around you. This sense of disconnection serves as a compassionate buffer between the world and the turmoil you are suffering in your grief. Everything might ...

Dear Reader, When you first learn of a loss, it’s natural to feel as though the world has stopped and think, “This isn’t happening.” You might find yourself frozen, unable to fully comprehend what has occurred. Denial often feels like a numbing fog, softening the harsh edges of reality just enough to help you survive ...

Dear Reader, If I were beside you, gently holding your hand, I might invite you to pause for a moment and simply notice the words you speak to yourself. Are there whispers of “always” or “never” threading through your thoughts? Perhaps you’ve heard yourself say, “I’m always going to be alone” or “No one ever ...

Dear Reader, Let’s imagine we’re curled up on a couch, wrapped in blankets, and I’m sharing a piece of my own story with you. My hope is that it helps you feel a little less alone. When my husband passed away, I wasn’t just grieving the loss of him—it felt like an old wound had ...

Dear Readers, When you’re grieving, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of self-blame. You might find yourself asking, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just move on? Why does everything feel so heavy? These questions often come from a place of frustration and exhaustion, reflecting just how deeply grief can shake your ...

Dear Reader, Imagine we’re sitting together, wrapped in a soft blanket, perhaps with a cup of tea in hand. You’ve been carrying a heaviness inside you since your loss, and it might feel bewildering—like the pain isn’t just about what happened recently, but about something much older and deeper. That’s because old wounds—the hurts you’ve ...

Dear Reader, If we were sitting together at a small table, with a notebook and pen in front of you, I’d gently encourage you to think about creating a loss inventory. This is exactly what it sounds like: a list or map of the significant losses that have shaped your life. Of course, these might ...

Dear Reader, When we lose someone that matters deeply, the grief can feel like it’s pulling us under. But here’s something not everyone talks about: it’s rarely just the one loss you’re grieving. Loss ripples. It spreads into places you didn’t expect, touching parts of your life that once felt steady. You’re not only mourning ...

Dear Reader, While grieving, you might have experienced a phenomenon known as a grief ambush or grief hot flash, as I like to call them. During these moments, you might come across a song, phrase, memory, picture, or anything else that, upon seeing or hearing it, rekindles your grief. These experiences will persist even after ...

Dear Reader, Grief can make you feel as though a vast ocean of sorrow has separated you from the life you once knew, leaving you stranded on a distant shoreline. In these moments, it’s perfectly natural to long for quiet and solitude. Sometimes being alone feels safer, more manageable—no need to explain yourself, to hold ...

Dear Reader, Grief has a way of making the world feel more intense, more raw. At times, in those tender moments of loss, I remember feeling unheard and unseen. When I was drowning in my own sorrow, it was easy to get upset with those who, in their attempts to help, only deepened the ache ...

Dear Readers, When you’re grieving, it can feel as though your world has shifted in ways you never imagined. You might feel deeply hurt and uncertain about where to find support. Please know that what you’re feeling is valid. It’s natural to hope that the people you’ve always trusted would be the ones to hold ...

Dear Reader, When someone close to you has died or a cherished part of your life has slipped away, your world can feel painfully quiet and heavy. In those moments, having your sadness acknowledged—truly seen and understood—can offer a quiet but profound source of comfort. It might seem like such a simple thing, but to ...

Dear Reader, If you’re reading this, it’s likely you care deeply about someone who is grieving, and you’re wondering how to best show up for them. Maybe you feel unsure of what to say or how to act—worried about doing the “wrong” thing. Let me assure you: if you are showing up, you are already ...

Dear Reader, It’s important to be honest here: the grief journey won’t always be easy. Grief is a natural expression of love, and it takes immense courage to walk this journey. Every tear, every ache, is a testament to the depth of your love. Grief is a natural expression of love, and every tear, every ...

Dear Reader, You may have heard people tell you what to do in your grief, thinking they were helping. They may have said things like, “Stay positive,” “It’s time to get over it,” or “You don’t have to be sad all the time.” Well-meaning advice often comes from a place of love, but grief is ...

Dear Readers, Have you ever felt overwhelmed by emotions you couldn’t quite name? At times, you may feel burdened by an inexplicable weight. Grief creates a space where words often fail, yet we find ourselves searching for ways to understand. In my own grief journey, I recall moments when words seemed inadequate, as if they ...

Dear Reader, You’re here because someone who meant the moon and stars to you has died, and no matter how prepared—or unprepared—you were, it can feel like your entire world has tilted. Even if doctors or hospice staff warned you that the end was near, you might have clung to that tiny hope for a ...

Dear Reader, Grief has a tendency to surprise us. It can arrive unexpectedly, like a wave you didn’t see coming. You may feel it when you hear a certain song, visit a familiar place, or meet with friends for the first time after your loved one’s death. These moments can flood you with emotion, and ...

Dear Reader, First of all, let’s get this out in the open right away. There is no right way to grieve. Every person experiences grief in their own way. It is crucial to acknowledge and process the pain of losing a loved one. Avoiding grief by resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse ...

Dear Reader, My son, Zach, and I were watching a show about the lives of people living 2,000 years ago. When they started discussing these ancient religious bowls, something caught my attention more intently. What the professor stated was that even though there were squiggles all around the bowl, the initial reaction is that this ...

Dear Reader, Someone who held immense significance to you has departed from this life. Losing a loved one is a profound shock to the system, regardless of how it happened. Even when medical professionals prepare us, and time in hospice suggests an ending, we hold on to hope—a hope that somehow, there might be a ...

Dear Reader, As we navigate the turbulent waters of grief, there inevitably comes a time when we must confront the difficult task of letting go. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s an essential one if we are to find peace amidst the pain. I wanted to share with you a powerful exercise that has ...

Dear Reader, Did you know there are two different types of grievers? One is the external griever. This griever concentrates on their emotions and discusses the grief they are experiencing. Grief witnesses become a crucial part of their healing process with this type of griever. This is in contrast to internal grievers, who tend to ...

Dear reader, As I sit down to write to you, I’m reminded of the weight that grief can place on our shoulders. It’s heavy, isn’t it? Sometimes it feels like it’s all we can do to keep going. I remember feeling lost when I first started journaling after losing my husband. The blank page seemed ...

Dear Reader, I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace, however fleeting it may be. Grief has a way of casting a shadow over even the brightest of days, doesn’t it? As I sit down to write to you, I’m reminded of something that has been a lifeline for me in the ...

Dear Reader, Grief is a journey none of us ever expected to take, yet here we are, navigating its twists and turns one day at a time. As I sit down to write to you, I’m reminded of the power of journaling in the healing process. There’s something incredibly therapeutic about putting pen to paper ...

Dear Reader, I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace amidst the turbulence of grief. It’s a journey filled with unexpected twists and turns, isn’t it? I wanted to follow up on our conversation about creating a grief timeline. I recently revisited mine, and I have to say, it was a profoundly ...

Dear Reader, I wanted to share something with you that has brought me comfort on my own path through loss. It’s the idea that our loved ones never truly leave us; they continue to watch over us, sending signs to let us know that they are okay. Have you ever felt a gentle breeze on ...

Dear Reader, As you continue along your grief journey, I wanted to share a helpful tool that I’ve found to be incredibly beneficial in checking in on yourself: the grief assessment. Now, before I delve into the specifics, I want to emphasize that this tool is not meant to be used as a daily or ...

Dear Reader, I’m reaching out to you today with a gentle reminder that grief is not always straightforward. It’s messy, complicated, and often accompanied by a tangled web of unresolved emotions. One of the hardest parts of losing a loved one is grappling with the things left unsaid or the issues left unresolved. Maybe there ...

Dear Reader, I’m sitting here, thinking about how grief has this way of making time feel both infinite and fleeting all at once. It’s as if we’re caught in this strange limbo, where the past and present collide in a whirlwind of memories and emotions. One thing that has been a lifeline for me in ...

Dear Reader, As you continue your journey through grief, I want to acknowledge the myriad of thoughts that may arise along the way. Sometimes, these thoughts can catch you off guard, leaving you feeling confused, surprised, or even grateful amidst the pain. You may find yourself grappling with questions like: What has been confusing me ...

Dear Reader, There’s a sacredness to the act of saying goodbye, isn’t there? It’s a moment that marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, a bittersweet farewell to what was and an acknowledgment of what will never be again. Today, I want to talk to you about the power of writing ...

Dear Reader, Can I just say I’m so glad you are here, allowing yourself this grief journey. Navigating loss isn’t easy, and it’s heartening to know you’re taking steps to find solace and healing during this difficult time. I also want you to know that you are not alone. Through my own grief I was ...